Taylor Swift is so right about you.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
