come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
