My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
