those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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