Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
