the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
