May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
