I accidentally had phone sex last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
