im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
