u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
