Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
