It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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