Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
