oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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