Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
