So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
