one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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