My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
