i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
