this beer tastes like vomit already
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
