If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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