Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
