marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
