I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my being single is dangerous.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize