Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My vagina is very pro this idea
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
