hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
