he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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