people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
