what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
