So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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