3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
