Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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