and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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