I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
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