he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
