Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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