No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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