Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
