Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
