I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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