you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
