I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
