Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
