i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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