she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
