Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
