I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
