i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
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oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
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So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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