I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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