That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
