Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My vagina just recognized that song.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
