she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
