My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
