hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
