I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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