My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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