i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I party with great urgency now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
