just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
