My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
