He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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