I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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